I adore my husband, my son, my grandchildren, my mother, my dog, and frankly I don't know if they even like me. I am happier when I love than when I am loved. Now I like to give much more than to receive. Because of Paula, I don't cling to anything anymore. I had to throw overboard all excess baggage and keep only what is essential. The pain of losing my child was a cleansing experience. But I was full of love and that love keeps growing and multiplying and giving fruit. She could not respond in any way, her eyes were somber pools that reflected no light. I don't even know if she was able to receive that love. But then I realized I still had the love I had given her. When she died I thought I had lost everything. During her illness I had to let go of everything: her laughter, her voice, her grace, her beauty, her company and finally her spirit. When she died she had nothing and she needed nothing. She never had any money, but she needed very little. She worked as a volunteer helping women and children, eight hours a day, six days a week. It's by spending yourself that you become rich. Paralyzed and silent in her bed, my daughter Paula taught me a lesson that is now my mantra: You only have what you give.
She was in a coma for a year and I took care of her at home, until she died in my arms in December of 1992. I never had time to think about my beliefs until my 28-year-old daughter Paula fell ill. I have lived with passion and in a hurry, trying to accomplish too many things.
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